There’s a song by MI called All Falls Down in his illegal Music 3. In the intro you can hear Mike Tyson say “…In order to be great…You gotta be prepared to fail greatly as well. It’s all about how you handle your failures. And I’m gonna handle my failures.”
In order to be great, you have to be prepared to fail greatly as well. This phrase sits in my heart all the time.
As we go through life, they’ve always taught us how to be successful and be great, but they’ve never been a class on how to prepare for failures and tough times. As a man, you’re expected to pull through it. Don’t complain, just man up! Not to say that there’s anything wrong with that approach, but that breeds an unhealthy way to go through life.
In the heights of these pressures and no better way to handle it, some men embrace their masks while some embrace their coping mechanisms which might be in different vices. For me, I have been able to embrace both.
How did I get here? I don’t know but the reality hit me on my birthday last week.
I honestly don’t like celebrating my day but this year, I was ready to make an effort. A day before my birthday, I had posted on my social media pages that I am ready to turn up the next day, have a birthday like never before. I even went as far as creating a wishlist, something I have never done for my birthday. My birthday came and the 24 hour breezed past like it was nothing and all of that shenanigans didn’t mean anything after that.
It then dawned on me that it was all a facade I created to show everybody that I am happy as I should be on my birthday. As I thought about it, I realised that it was not just on my birthday, I have generally been going through adulthood like this. I have never allowed anybody to know that I am not ok. I have never fully processed what I am feeling or even get to the point where I fully express it. It has always been “vibes and it is what it is”. When it gets worse, I’ll just assume I need a change of environment and I’ll reach out to my friends to hangout, drink, share jokes and we keep it moving.
All these emotions and stressors that I bottle in are things that make me who I am and avoiding these emotions have its consequences which I have been experiencing in the last 8 months. Core anxiety, feeling alone in the midst of people, loss of interest, unnecessary nervousness, trouble remembering things, restlessness, hyperventilation, having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom, increased fatigue and sleep problems. To add to this, I am an Arsenal fan.
I am writing this just to let everyone know that it’s been crazy. If I have reached out too many times to come hang at your place, ignored your message or reacted out of character, please understand I AM GOING THROUGH IT. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, for now, I’m going through the tunnel. Not in a bad way but honestly just going through everything. For some of my friends, I know its been a lot lately, because I can tell from the excuses y’all make to avoid me when I want to come hangout. I’m sorry for stressing you guys so much.
I’m not in any way seeking pity, help or being a baby about it. The interesting pathway to my winning would be admitting that I’ve lost before.
It’s a revealing journey to acknowledge the impact of avoiding our true feelings. While I may have projected an image of strength and happiness, the truth is that my bottled-up emotions have taken their toll on my well-being. The path to greatness, like Mike Tyson said, requires an acceptance of failure, but it also demands an openness to confront and process my own vulnerabilities.
So, as I reflect on the lessons learned on my birthday, I embark on a new chapter — one where I aim to embrace my failures alongside my successes. It’s better that I shatter that illusion of invincibility, to acknowledge that it’s okay not to be okay. And as I begin this journey, I hope to find solace in authentic expression, seeking support from those around me who are willing to listen without judgement.
Life is a beautiful mess of triumphs and setbacks to be honest, and it is through embracing our failures that we truly become great. When we release the masks and coping mechanisms that conceal our true selves, we create space for genuine growth and self-discovery. It’s a transformative journey that requires courage and vulnerability.
To end this, I am releasing my coping mechanisms, and facing my failures with open hearts and open minds. In doing so, there’s a transformative path that leads to greatness — a greatness rooted in authenticity, resilience, and an unwavering commitment to self-improvement.
Let me just add this, forget age, you only figure out life when you have figured out life. Take your time!
